If you wear outside shoes inside the house, leaving crumbs of dirt (and who knows what else) everywhere you go, and have a habit of putting your feet up on everything except the footstool …
If you leave all the lights on when you have no intention of coming back for the rest of the evening, and deny this is true, claiming that you have unfinished business …
If you regularly go to the grocery store and buy one orange or one apple or one banana for the communal fruit bowl …
If you finish the last roll of Charmin and replace it with the stuff found in gas station bathrooms …
If you wake up at 8:30 am on a Saturday to play Call of Duty while shouting obscenities into your headset …
If you put coffee grinds in the water slot every morning along with a conspicuous trail of sprinkles sloppily wiped up with beautifully embroidered kitchen towels that were family heirlooms …
If you binge marshmallow Peeps in the middle of the night, as well as puffed corn snacks, Haribo bears, and cashews packaged in ridiculously loud wrappers …
If you read this and thought, “It’s super weird how I’ve done all those things!”, then you are, hands down, THAT roommate.
